I got married on Monday. This is something I never thought I would do.
I’ve never been attracted to people like most other people seem to be. I’ve had crushes, but I was always perfectly happy to crush from afar. I was never interested in dating or hooking up. All of that seemed rather unsavory, and I much preferred to be alone with a book or art supplies.
I’ve never felt incomplete without another person. I’ve never intentionally looked for a mate, except for the time when I was doing exercises from a book about overcoming shyness. (It turned out that shyness was not my problem, but that’s a story for another time.) One of the exercises was to place a personal ad, and I happened to get a response from someone I actually hit it off with.
Even then, marriage did not hold any romantic interest for me. A wedding is simply an outdated ritual, and a needlessly expensive one at that. If you commit to someone, you can do it regardless. If you can’t, a ring and a piece of paper aren’t going to make you do it.
Attending other people’s weddings is bad enough, but being the center of attention in a group of people is about as appealing to me as having rotten teeth pulled using rusty pliers without anesthesia. And I’m not gonna lie, I find the thought of having to spend several hours wearing formal wedding attire more horrific than any slasher film.
As if any more excuses were needed to avoid marriage, at the time of my former relationship a childless married couple with dual incomes paid more taxes than two single people did. I believe that’s been fixed now, but it wasn’t exactly encouraging people to get married.
When I met Kris, I was absolutely not looking for a relationship. I was committed to being single and not having anyone else to worry about. I could do what I wanted when I wanted, with only my cat to consider.
But something clicked when we started talking (online). My usual discomfort over people messaging me quickly dissipated, and I actually enjoyed talking to him. We were able to understand each other in a way that the NT world never has. I was comfortable with him, and I was able to just relax and be myself.
I didn’t have to worry about expectations or social norms. I didn’t have to worry about seeming weird or being misunderstood. I didn’t feel any pressure to pretend to be something I’m not. He liked me for exactly who I was, and I felt the same in return.
We’ve both struggled through various mental health issues, and we’ve helped each other get through them. There have been ups and downs and many anxieties, but we always manage to work them out.
I’m better mentally than I’ve ever been. In the past I had no room for others because I was too overwhelmed with my own problems. I couldn’t make any progress, because anxiety and depression was holding me back.
Now I feel more free to pursue my own goals while also having others in my life. Paradoxically, I have more room in my life while also having more in it.
I used to get really annoyed when I would assert my contentment with being single and people would say things like, “You just haven’t met the right person yet.” Maybe technically that was true. But more likely I just wasn’t the right person yet.