Depression

Thoughts on Grief and Alexithymia

According to Wikipedia, alexithymia “is a personality construct characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. The core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating.” There is also a high co-morbidity rate between alexithymia and autism spectrum disorders. I think this is what […]

Two grooms holding hands

Mawwiage is What Bwings Us Togevah Today

I got married on Monday. This is something I never thought I would do. I’ve never been attracted to people like most other people seem to be. I’ve had crushes, but I was always perfectly happy to crush from afar. I was never interested in dating or hooking up. All of that seemed rather unsavory, […]

Concentric circles labelled from the inside to the outside as: Intimacy, Friendship, Participation, and Exchange

A Logical Understanding of Social Circles

I think that I do such a good job of superficial social fakery that people don’t really understand the extent of my disability. I think they assume that they themselves are in an outer level of my social circle but that I have plenty of other people who are on more inner levels. But that […]

Noise Noise Noise Noise (A Couple Recommendations for…

I’ve been a little disappointed in myself for not having anything to say for a month. When I’m in word mode, I can write a lot (and even speak a bit more), but then I slip into non-verbal mode again. I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself for that. I suppose there’s some internalized […]

You're Killing Me

I am not the friend you are looking…

I have a very hard time being a friend and having friends, even on the internet, which is worlds easier for me than in person. Even if I care for someone immensely, it’s very difficult for me to be proactive in interacting with them. It has nothing to do with shyness or social anxiety. Social […]

Desert Landscape

Repetitive Tasks: Pleasure or Anxiety

I’ve heard it said many times that autistic people enjoy repetitive tasks. This is one of the things that caused me to start suspecting that I was on the autism spectrum back before I was diagnosed. That was because I’d been told on several occasions that I had incredible patience or will power when I’d […]

Ring

Pent-Up Creativity

I am feeling so much pent up creative energy. I keep thinking about creative things I could be doing instead of cleaning out my house. I suppose a normal person would set aside time for both, but I am hindered by my difficulty with transitioning from one thing to another. I tend to stick with […]

Father and Son

The Summer from Hell

I finished, and won, Camp NaNoWriMo last month. It was every bit as hard as I remember it. However, I learned something important about what works for me. And I feel like what I ended up with was significantly more substantial than what I ended up with the last time I did NaNo, several years […]

Self-portrait

A Young Mans Fancy Turns to Thoughts of…

I missed April, but I’m still working on my self-portrait project. Here is the result for May. The fact that I have just watched 3 seasons of Vikings may have had some influence. I have upgraded my computer, making it easier to record videos, so I’ll probably be doing a lot more of those. Here […]

John Barrowman

John Barrowman

I have this problem which can best be described as inertia. I have a lot of trouble starting and stopping things. It’s nothing to do with how much I want to do them. It can be something that I absolutely love doing, like painting, but for some reason I just can’t start. Actually, I know […]